Lamour, who said he mostly dates white men, later realized he code-switches in other ways when meeting someone who isn’t Black for the first time.
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“I hadn’t even noticed I did it, but then he did an impression of it and it all came full circle,” he said, and added: “It’s kind of like a job interview where you sort of make yourself more corporate-sounding in order to seem more standard so that a second date can happen.” Lamour said his then-boyfriend, a white man, asked why his voice changed when he spoke to the man.
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When he rolled his car’s window back up, Mr. “We were driving to Boston and got a little lost, so I asked a Black person on the corner for directions,” said Mr. Barnwell and other Black people say code-switching is common when they date interracially because first impressions determine if a second date is in the cards. The alteration of hairstyles, clothes, and interests in order to gain social acceptance and limit the risk of falling victim to bias is a form of code-switching, a term that refers to the common practice of adapting or altering speech, dialect, look or behavior depending on the social setting. “I also wore my Birkenstocks to my first date with Ben, which I’d never wear on a first date with a nonwhite man,” Ms. She won’t play soul music, wears clothes that don’t expose her curves and avoids using African American Vernacular English, commonly known as Ebonics, in conversations. Barnwell said she has toned down when getting to know someone who is not Black. Podnar, who said he likes all of the different ways Ms. “I know a lot of people in her life have criticized her tight coils, so it’s especially been nice getting to see her feel that attraction from me no matter how she wears her hair,” added Mr.